Sweet Revenge?

As we approach the new year, most broadcasters are preparing reviews of the year. The BBC is no exception, a large portion of its portal (front page) today is taken up with asking "How was it for you?" referring, I suppose, to 2004.

The BBC had a terrible year. They recently lost a chairman and a director-general because a government inquiry found them culpable in a case which questioned the veracity of supporting evidence for the Iraq war. And this year they had to settle for an unpopular choice as their new DG.

Could there be any coincidence that the BBC chose a picture of a tearful, not-a-minister-anymore David Blunkett as the centre image for its end of year review collage? The BBC and the media at large pushed the Blunkett story quite healthily. Is there a subtext behind the subtitle How Was It For You?

Royal Trux :: Accelerator

For the last couple of weeks, I have spent a lot of time listening to some favourite albums from the last few years. Specifically, I have been relentlessly turning up Fuzzy Logic by the Super Furry Animals, Screamadelica by Primal Scream and what must be a strong contender for 'best rock n roll album ever':

Accelerator by Royal Trux.

From the first line Now you know I'm ready/Can't you see I'm ready in the song er "I'm Ready", with its sick riff and crap sounding, but ultimately perfect drum fills, this album is unparalleled. It's a combination of all the Trux's best features; kick-ass teenage lyrics, dirty fuzzy/warped guitar parts, electronic drums, drugs, dancing, Keith Richards, long breaks, fast fills and Steven Segal.

Best songs: undoubtedly "The Banana Question", "Juicy, Juicy, Juice" and "Song for Steven S" are my absolute favourites. "Another Year" is also excellent, as are all of the other songs. I feel like I'm going to be talking about this album for the next thirty years, and only a few special people will ever like it. Even Primal Scream agreed that

"Royal Trux are the best band in the world, and Accelerator is the best album ever made – it's so good that we chose to name one of the songs on our platinum selling XTRMNTR album after it – this is an act of worship, not of theft!" (or words to that effect).

One of the very best things about the Trux is trying to work out what words they are singing. Now, I am not the only person who has noticed this, but there are a large number of super poncey dickheads who act like to admit you can't understand the words in one song is like walking around screaming about how much you love the Rembrandts or something. Clearly, it is nothing like that. I hate the Rembrandts. But I do have some trouble with some of the lyrics. Did you ever love you a / Sealed up sack / So bad you had to / I don't know but I think he says Czar after that.

Of course, the ultimate in difficult to detect lyrics must be what happens behind the ultimate guitar solos ever. I am, of course, talking about 'Juicy, Juicy, Juice' – in the first verse, I can only make out: "…something something about those things/ Well even if I had to set it back/ Fly like a (mother/mama) (to/through) the bullet-holes/ In front of the cops, cut to hanging it loose/ We paid our membership dues". Now, I can see that this looks like complete gibberish but you must understand that it is a labour of love, trying to obtain a meaning from these lyrics. I remember the joy of finally decrypting the frankly simple "Red light/ Makes 'em think we're going the wrong way/ Wrong way!" in 'The Banana Question'. Trux lyrics are, even during their simplest phases, extremely freeform. They're not just words, they're part and parcel with the elaborately designed slack-sound of the music. Jazz poetry. Rap.
In 'Liar', we are treated to some classic Trux counterpoint as Neil and Jen echo eachother in what? An argument ? They both howl "Don't be a liar!" at strategic moments, so maybe they're both talking to someone else. I got a taste in my mouth/ Just like a burning tyre/ I forgot what I knew with you/Don't be a liar! Riff. Organ. Drums. Solo. Noise. Words. If there is a better soundtrack to my kind of party, I'd like to hear it. No forget it. What is that, the Rembrandts?

'Song For Steven S' is the first Royal Trux song I ever heard. It's a bit difficult, because the song has been claimed for numerous Steven S's (Spielberg, Soderberg, Smith) – I still tell everyone who asks – and many who don't – that it's all about Steven Segal, "You don't know how the camera works/ But there's always someone there to fix 'em" – I don't know, if you think it was another Steven then that's ok.

This album is just great, OK? If you can't get that then you lose. It's difficult for me to find an album from the 90's which rings so pure and strong now. Maybe Screamadelica. Maybe Fuzzy Logic. Maybe Loveless. Maybe Discovery. I don't know – all of those albums (and many, many others) just seem to fade into obscurity and comedy when I play Accelerator. Perhaps I have burnt my brain out by listening to it too much? But I genuinely, honestly believe that this album is One of the best and most important of the 1990's. We'll see, cos there are plenty of bands right now ripping off the Clash and Television. Lets wait another five years for the Trux-alikes to come along (apart, that is, from the obvious ones like White Stripes andThe Kills).

OK so Royal Trux have completely split (it happened ages ago, it still pisses me off). Jen (now calling herself JJ Rox) has a new album out and what I have heard of it is pretty good. Accelerator style.

Follow the Winner.

Album review: Accelerator by Royal Trux. 1 out of 1. This album is one of my 5 all time top best ones.

Update: Actually, I'm not a massive fan of Jennifer's RTX stuff. Check out Neil Hagerty's solo albums and the Howling Hex for some really interesting music.

Christmas in Foreign Lands

"The ravening tiger, the exotic camel"

Christmas in a foreign country is always slightly absurd. Traditions, food, the correct time for opening gifts – everything is turned on its head so thoroughly, you could almost believe that Christmas isn't an English festival.

But Christmas is English, just like Hallowe'en and Guy Fawke's day. What could be more English than roasted meat, boiled vegetables, gravy, silly hats and dodgy jokes? As Orwell wrote, "Yes, there is something distinctive and recognizable in English civilization. It is a culture as individual as that of Spain. It is somehow bound up with solid breakfasts and gloomy Sundays, smoky towns and winding roads, green fields and red pillar-boxes. It has a flavour of its own".

This passage always reminds me of Modbury, Devon and home. Old fashioned? Yes. Stereotyped? Absolutely. But like it or not, that is a major part of the England I grew up in – a place which still has a feeling of continuity which I only rarely sense in Barcelona. If we travel to some of the more remote country towns here in Catalonia, I sometimes get a whiff of that continuity. Cerdanyola, however, has no redeeming features – especially not at this English time of year.

It seems to me that the reason Christmas seems so quintissentially English to me is that most of the 'classic' images of Christmas (except for those odd nativity scenes) are themselves quintissentially English. The snowy village with Victorian streetlamps, the frosty roofs and windows misted up, glowing with warmth against the bitter winter, holly and mistletoe, fights in the pub – all images typical of England. Well, my England anyway. And that's the problem. When you grew up in a town so staid, traditional and olde-worlde picturesque like Modbury, Christmas actually is exactly like an old fashioned Christmas card to the tune of 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen'. And Christmas in Tarragona isn't.

Now don't get me wrong – I'm not complaining about the opportunity to spend Christmas with Gemma's family in the family town. I enjoy that. All I'm trying to do is explain how whatever they do, however much fun we have, however many fights they have in the local cerveceria, Christmas for me is English, and all about England. I'm really looking forward to next year.

Bon Nadal!

It's Christmas

You know it's a special occaision of some sort when you get to drink Cava at your desk (and not get bollocked for it).

Merry Xmas.

Software Patents

S T O P Members of the EU Council on Agriculture and Fishery, please read the following:
Subj: Software Patent Directive on Agricultural Council List of A-Items
Dear EU Minister of Agriculture and Fisheries, At the Agricultural Council's meeting on Tuesday and Wednesday, the Directive' COM 2002/0047 (COD) "On the Patentability of Computer-Implemented Inventions" (Software Patent Directive) is likely to be inserted into the list of A-items in the last minute. This list should not be accepted. Please object when the Council President asks for confirmation of the agenda (at the beginning), and demand the removal of the software patent directive from the list of A items. The Council's rules of procedure demand that the provisional agenda be sent 14 days in advance. In this case, the software patent directive was set on the agenda no earlier than 2 working days in advance. According to Article 3 Items 7-8 of the Council's Rules of Procedure, it is enough if one country objects to this late tabling, but support for removal may be expected from several countries. The proposed text does not enjoy a qualified majority. It has been inserted into the agenda on the basis of questionable interpretations if not violations of the Council's Rules of Procedure. The Dutch government has been obliged by its parliament to withdraw support. A proposal can not be adopted without a vote, and if it is voted, the Dutch presidency must abstain. If the Dutch presidency does not abstain, minister Brinkhorst may face a motion of distrust and be dismissed. This means that, given the continued opposition from Spain, Italy, Belgium and Austria, even without Poland's abstention, the current Council Proposal no longer enjoys a qualified majority. On 19th of May and on 16th of November the Polish government has stated that it can not support the Council proposal. However the Polish EU minister, who is not in charge of the dossier, has so far, under pressure from the Council presidency, been reluctant to execute the decisions of the Polish government. The Council proposal has been criticized by all groups of the German Federal Parliament (Bundestag) as being deficient. As the inter-group resolution of the 30th of November 2004 points out, it does not satisfy the demands for clarity and balance that a proposal with such significance must fulfill. The Latvian Government has made it clear in a unilateral statement that it does not support the proposed text. The French and Hungarian governments have also expressed reservations. In Slovenia, Slovakia, Portugal and Hungary there is practically no support for software patents anywhere in the industry or government, except in the narrow circles who dominate the Council's patent working party. The new vote is needed because the Rules of Procedure of the Council demand a qualified majority at the time of the formal adoption of a Common Position. A political agreement can only be adopted, if it is supported by a qualified majority of governments at the time of the vote. "Adoption as an A-item" means "adoption without discussion", not "without vote". There can be no adoption without vote. The change in voting weights on 1 November means that the Council proposal now lacks a qualified majority if either the Netherlands or Poland abstain. The explanatory documents for the Council draft were made available only very recently so that at the time of this Council meeting only half of the six-week period reserved for the consultation of national institutions will have elapsed. The urgent scheduling of a parliamentary special session in the Netherlands after the COREPER meeting on December 15 shows the importance of this consultation period. This text rejects essential amendments by the European Parliament, arguing that they are "incompatible with the TRIPs treaty" or that they would not reflect "established practice". These arguments are new, not covered by any "political agreement" and in clear contradiction to the resolution of the German Parliament and can not be adopted without a vote. The Protocol on the Role of National Parliaments in the Treaty of Amsterdam explicitly encourages participation by national parliaments in the EU legislative process. It does not exempt the Council of Ministers. Accordingly, attempts to thwart the integration of the positions of several national parliaments (NL and DE) at this stage would be illegitimate. The software patent directive is creating great difficulties for the Council because the Council has been nominating the goats to be the gardeners. The "Intellectual Property (Patent) Working Party" consists of the very national patent administrators who in personal union also run the European Patent Office. They have been unwilling to deal constructively with the questions at hand. They have ignored the substantial amendments of the European Parliament without justification and without addressing the problems of economic policy which the Parliament tried to address. They have in fact merely restated their previous agreement of November 2002, in which they had recited recent doctrines of the European Patent Office. These doctrines, in effect, authorise the monopolisation of business methods, algorithms, data structures and process descriptions in the same way as in the USA, without any effective limitation. The gap between these doctrines and the Parliament's proposal is so wide that it will be impossible to overcome it within the procedure of a second reading. The Council has yet to begin a real first reading and to deliver a text which at least shows some willingness to face the issues. Now is the opportunity to take this first step. If it it is not taken in the Council's first reading, then the directive is unlikely to get anywhere in the next steps of the co-decision procedure. In Summary: The current Council Proposal can not be passed as an A-item, and there is no need for any minister in the Agriculture Council to accept it. Any attempt to pass the proposal as it stands is higly hazardous for information society and democracy in the EU and incompatible with the Rules of Procedure of the EU Council. Yours sincerely, Please find further information at Netaction for EU Democracy Karl-Friedrich Lenz (professor of European Law) on the current situation in the Council FFII: Revising the Political Agreement FFII Software Patent News Nosoftwarepatents.com If you are not a minister of Agriculture of Fishery, please continue here.

Personal Radio

I've got this thing for free for the next couple of weeks. The idea is that I have a plugin in my iTunes which sends data to audioscrobbler.com about which songs I'm listening to. After it has gathered enough data, it connects with last.fm who have a large repository of digitised music. Now you can click this link and listen to my personal selection while you go about your surfing. There's a decent degree of variety in there (as long as you like David Bowie and Elliott Smith) – but you can skip tracks or try another user's selection if you get bored.

I hate 'private' blogs.

Why don't you just NOT HAVE A BLOG if you only allow friends to read it? Who gives an ass what you've got to say anyway you prissy sods?

Iraq deployment

Guide to preparation for deployment in Iraq… pretty funny.

My Husband's Serving Overseas

We was robbed!

A strange night in Barcelona…

The evening started off normally enough when Gemma and I went to catch the train. But the train was full of people and it was pretty difficult to get on, let alone find a seat.
Someone who did have a seat was a gypsy girl. The reason I noticed her was that she had one of those fruit juice cartons… the small, designed for packed lunches variety. She was tearing the top off this empty carton and I thought to myself "What's she going to do with that?".

A minute later, I looked back and what did I see? The girl was milking her breasts into the little carton. I was stunned! I had to turn around so I wasn't looking. This was one of the strangest things I've ever seen. Wonder what she did with the milk. "Throw it away, I hope" was Gemma's response to the riddle.

Much later (around 3 am), we were walking down a backstreet on our way to a club. Adam uttered the immortal words "Oh watch out here, this is the place I was robbed". Now for those who aren't aware of the risks posed by walking out late at night in Barcelona, let me tell you this: you can get robbed. Everybody gets robbed. I've never been robbed. I imagine (and have had confirmed by victims of multiple robberies) that while yes, you get robbed and that's terrible, it's still not as dangerous as Paris, Rome, London, New York etc etc. What I'm trying to say is that it's risky, but not really that bad… very few people are ever threatened with a weapon.
As Adam finished saying his immortal words, I suddenly became aware that the street urchin pestering me to buy some beer off him had been with us too long, was too close to me, and had his hand in my pocket. My back pocket. On my wallet.
I shouted, "Adam, quick… he's got his hand on my wallet!". Gemma tried to grab him (the street urchin), but he had my wallet in a trice, and sprinted off.
I, naturally, ran hot on his heels, round a corner into an alleyway. As he accelerated away from me, he chucked my wallet to the ground.
I picked it up and looked inside… some stuff was missing. Funnily enough, I hadn't actually had any cash. But I do have cards for here, the UK and Australia as well as my cherished identity card which took me two years to manage to get. That was all missing.
I ran back to Adam and Gemma and advised them that I seemed to have lost some important stuff (actually, my Spanish bank card was still in my wallet).
Next thing I knew, Gemma was talking with three big guys who had a load of cards they had found at exactly the spot where I was robbed. I grabbed them out of their hands (I wasn't feeling very civil by now)… and to my astonishment, I had everything back again (including my ID).

So the robber got nothing (apart from practice and some exercise).

After all this, I was elated. We went on to the club.

The Guardian | Judges' verdict on terror laws provokes constitutional crisis