Tony Parsons – One man's assault on reason

Tony Parsons is a man. He's a hard man - tough, uncompromising and incisive, thick even - and he doesn't care who knows it. Every few days (I'm not sure that frequency ought to worry us), Tony Parsons writes a column in the Mirror (possibly the very worst of Britain's generally awful newspapers) in which he complains about how no one really knows anything, except Tony Parsons.

Tony Parsons has tackled such issues as cocaine, blogging and the blocking of Tony Blair's 90 day detention bill. He's not afraid of the big topics. The big. Issues. If you will. His approach is a classic example of the music journalist who accidentally stumbled into a cushy job. His persona: hard man, tough, uncompromising. Parsons. Tony BLOODY Parsons. His columns: complete BLOODY rubbish.

The latest column that Bloody Parsons has written starts off by saying that he doesn't know how long the police should be able to hold a suspected terrorist, and that he doesn't want some stuck up journalist, politician or (God forbid!) pundit telling him how it should be. he then tells us how anyone who opposed the 90 day bill is trying to deny British people the right to defend themselves. Tony BLOODY Parsons.

Every column I've ever read by Bloody Parsons seems to be poorly written and diametrically opposed to every value I hold to be true. We all like to moralise from time to time, but reading Parsons's moralising is like being stabbed in the head by some frozen urine that's fallen out of a plane. His style is perplexing. He's sort of ultra-loyal to Tony Blair (the only man in England who still is?) - and hates anyone who disagrees with him (especially Cherie Booth, QC). He is a pompous ass and a bloody nuisance.

This is my Bloody Parsons column for the day. I'll be back with another soon, as long as I don't implode with fury before then.

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