Tigers in my bedroom

Last night was awful. That's why I'm in on a Friday evening. Last night was horrendous.I'm not sure if these buggers have made it into the city… perhaps this is the price you pay for living in the suburbs? I'm talking about the tiger mosquito.

The tiger mosquito made it to Sant Cugat about two years ago. Last year, they crossed over to Cerdanyola and my bedroom. They don't care if it's daytime or darkness. They have absolutely no respect for the rules. For example, if I switch my anti-mosquito air freshener on, the tigers don't give a toss. They find a spot where they can't smell the noxious fumes and bite me anyway. If I liberally apply insect repellent (as I did last night), they find the patches of skin I missed and bite me there. In fact, they even bit me on parts I had 'protected' last night. (I'm talking about my elbow, perverts). And when they bite me, they suck for England. I develop huge, swollen whelts which itch and weep for a week.

As much as I love the arrival of summer, it always heralds the arrival of the tigers. To be fair, the other mosquitos get their share too, but it's the tigers who are particularly successful in their invasion… in fact, one just landed on my hand. Nice. Even smoking extra strong cigarettes and joints does nothing to deter them.

I admit that it's not just the tigers. I have sweet blood which all biting insects seem to savour as if I'm sort of bug-BullÃ. I feel like I should apply for mosquito Michelin stars. I've tried eating marmite, but they seem to like that even more. Gin and tonic, while not technically an insect repellent, is my new project. Even if it doesn't stop them biting me, at least I'll be too pissed to hear their horrid screaming in my ears. Tiger mosquitoes drove me to drink.