Victory for the homeland!

Those of you who visit regularly might well be aware that I’m from Devon in England. The second biggest county in the country, Devon is the home of cream teas, Buckfast Tonic* Wine, Old Mother Hubbard and the guys who defeated the Spanish Armada. As well as this, Devon played a crucial role in the establishment of America, played host to a captured Napoleon and is the original location of the world famous Widdecombe Fayre.

So it is with great pride that I, a son of this noble, blessed land, can bring to wider attention the news that once again, Devon has shown itself to be superior to those simpering maniacs to our west, the Cornish. For decades, these Celtic rebels have done their best to steal the limelight from once-proud Devon. At long, long last we can confidently claim that we have scored a major victory against our wicked, seditious neighbours.

That’s right, evidence has proven what many of us have long suspected to be true: the so-called ‘Cornish Pasty’, a delicious snack of buttery pastry, minced beef, turnip and potato is in fact the ‘Devon Pasty’ – and much tastier for the name change, too.

But we Devonish folk won’t gloat about this important moment. Not for long, anyway. The Cornish have lost something which they have valued deeply since they stole it from us, and it must hurt very much to know that they now have nothing.

*Use of the word ‘tonic’ does not imply health-giving or medicinal properties.

21 thoughts on “Victory for the homeland!

  1. I’ve got a question for you Tom, and it is a question which concerns all of us.
    Is it possible to barbecue a pasty?

  2. Whats your source for this information, that shakes the foundations of everything I have been brought up to believe in? Next you’ll be telling us Yorkshire pudding comes from Lancashire.

  3. But Tom, older doesnt always mean tastier. I mean, the belgians apparently invented chips. But they are crap compared to british chips. n’est pas?

  4. Jim, please let me enjoy this moment of blind nationalistic glee! I don’t want to have to think about the ramifications of eating a 200 year old pasty, but I don want to celebrate the fact that it exists.

  5. Yeah me too. I’m lucky enough to be returning to el poble for eXmas this year. Should be great.

    I just saw a dead man in the street. Unpleasant.

  6. Thats pretty bad.
    By the way, all you need to do now is find/manufacture some ‘old’ document stating that Dolly Pentreath was actually from Devon. That would finish them off.

  7. I’m actually delighted that the truth has come to light over this issue. It’s an inditement on the British mainstream media that they neither exposed this earlier, or the government’s lies over Iraq.

  8. This is fast becoming the most commented-on-ever post here at thebadrash! It nearly makes up for the times when I actually make an effort and write something serious and no one ever leaves a word.

  9. America is actually are bit of Devon that snapped off and floated away to form it’s own place, leaving Devon as only the second largest county in England.

  10. I always thought the Cornish stole our pasties anyway. I believe the Devonshire version of “Cornish Pasties” were known as ‘Tiddy Oggies’ (don’t ask why, it’s best not to question ones ancestors).
    I worked in a bakery once (in Devon) and if people asked if we sold Cornish Pasties we had to say yes, even though we cooked them on site ^_^
    Damn you Cornwall!

  11. In Knowing Me, Knowing You, Alan highlights the link between Cornish (Devonish if you like) Pasties and terrorism. Whilst interviewing a fashion designer about her unconventional designs, Alan says, “I’m sorry love. The only person I know that walks the streets in slippers is called Dougie. He walks around Norwich City Centre holding a Cornish Pasty shouting ‘Get away, its a bomb!’. He’s insane.”

    To which she replies, “Well maybe he’s sane and we’re all mad.”

  12. oi! what have we-cornish done to affend you! hehe!
    pasties will always be associated with us cornish!!
    sorry but u cant take that away from us, just like the cornish cream tea!! anyway, aren’t there distinctive differences between your pasties/cream tea and ours???
    long live the cornish pasty….cornish pasties rule!!!!!

  13. Del – you’re welcome to the site, even if you are Cornish. Just don’t bother winding us up with your peninsular attacks. Don’t you even know that Devon is the only county in England with non-contiguous coastline on the north and south?!

    Nick – I imagine that, had he known the truth, Alan Partridge would have been keen to tell everyone he met that in fact the Cornish pasty doesn’t come from Cornwall so perhaps you should change your sign to avoid being in contravention of the Trades Descriptions Act. “A lie is a lie”, God rest his soul.

  14. Just wanted to smile and say that this post left me feeling homesick to go back to Plymouth and have a Ron Dewdney’s pasty(they are better than Ivor Dewdney’s no matter what anyone might say).

    Also wanted to say hi and that I like your blog. I’m currently on my Erasmus year in Salamanca so to find a Devonian blogging about Spain/Catalunya is a nice surprise:)

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